Whispers In the Dark
by a-lady-to-me
Summary: My take on Anna's first night back at the cottage after John finds out. **Spoiler Alert US Ep 4/UK Ep 5** ***Possible trigger warning*** - there are no details, or anything directly addressing the attack. Just wanted to post a warning to be safe.


**A/N****: **This idea came to my mind late last night, and just kind of wrote itself after that. I know there are a lot of takes on Anna's first night back at the cottage. This is mine. I hope you like it. Please leave me a review. xx

**Disclaimer****: **If I owned Downton this NEVER would have happened. The end.

* * *

Anna stood there completely lost in her husband's arms as they cried together in the boot room. This disgusting, vicious room that had been a constant yet unavoidable reminder of her agony for the past month.

But she was safe now.

He knew.

And he was still here with her. He still loved her. He didn't have to know who had done it, it was burden enough off her shoulders right now to let her settle in the knowledge that he knew. Finally.

She wasn't alone any more.

She pulled back a little to meet his watery eyes. His hand rubbing soothing circles into her back.

"I want to go home, John." She whispered, her lip still quivering with emotion.

He brought his hand up to gently cup her face, and sighed when she leaned into his touch.

"Then let's go home, my love." He whispered back.

She didn't bother to retrieve her things from upstairs. She simply let him gently help her into her coat, and hat. Not even protesting when he wrapped his over coat around her as well…she just didn't have it in her tonight, and she was glad for the added warmth and the comfort of his smell surrounding her. The walk to the cottage was made in silence, both of them slightly nervous about what would occur once they arrived. Anna still couldn't quite wrap her mind around letting him touch her in that way. Logic told her that John would never dream of forcing himself on her, but she couldn't shake the fear…the feeling of distrust. She knew she shouldn't feel this way, this was her husband, her best friend…surely he would understand.

As they entered the cottage Anna breathed in the smells of home. It was a balm to her nervousness, and put her slightly more at ease. John approached her carefully from behind, making sure to make his intentions clear so as not to startle her. She felt so much love well up inside of her at such a simple gesture...a strange feeling after what felt like an eternity of darkness.

"Would you like some tea, darling?" He asked gently after hanging up their coats.

"No, I think I just want to sleep." She answered, suddenly feeling the weight of her exhaustion settle over her.

They both stood in the entry for a moment, unsure of how to proceed. She wasn't sure she could manage sleeping beside him; even though she trusted him implicitly…she didn't know how to explain it to him without hurting him. Plus, if she slept in the spare room then she was less likely to wake him with her nightmares…

"Anna…"

"John…"

They spoke at the same time, both of them smiling lightly to ease the awkwardness. It shouldn't be this way. She could tell that he was at a loss of what to do, or how to help…but honestly so was she. She decided that the only way to work through this was to be honest.

"John, I'm sorry that this is so…uncomfortable. I don't want things to be that way between us. But…umm…"

He could see the struggle in her eyes, and gently took her hand in his.

"Anna, you can tell me anything. I'm here for you." He said firmly.

Tears burned her eyes as she spoke. "I just…I don't think I can sleep in the same bed with you right now. I'm so sorry, it's not you…I just…" He stopped her as she began to choke back sobs, and gathered her in his arms. She went willingly into the only embrace that had any hope of healing her.

"Darling, you don't have to explain…or apologize for anything. Ever. Do you understand?" She nodded against his chest, and he pulled away to look in her eyes. "I will sleep in the spare room...forever, if that's what it takes. Just so long as I have you here, and you know that you are safe, and loved. That's all that matters." He brushed the tears from her cheek.

"Thank you." She whispered.

With that they made the trip upstairs. John made sure she was settled before gathering his things, and heading to the spare room. She tried to protest saying that she could sleep in there, but he would hear none of it insisting that she needed the comfort of her own bed. He was right. Even though she couldn't have him next to her physically, the scent of him in the bed was a comfort to her. It wasn't long after her head hit the pillow that she drifted off, praying that his scent was strong enough to keep the nightmares away.

* * *

John knew he didn't have a hope of sleeping that night. He just layed in their spare bed, staring at the ceiling, and internally berating himself for the suffering his precious wife had been put through. If only he had followed her down that night…if only he had been there to hear her screams for help. Tears rolled down his face as her cries filled his head…getting louder and louder until he felt like they would be burned into his consciousness forever. It was the least he deserved for not being there for her when she needed him most.

The cries turned to screams, and John bolted from the bed when he realized that this wasn't his guilty conscious taunting him.

It was Anna.

He ran as fast as his leg would allow across the hall, and into their room finding Anna thrashing madly around in the bed.

"Anna! I'm here Anna!" He knew better than to grab her in this state, instead he stood by the side of the bed helplessly trying to talk her out of her personal hell, and back to him.

"Anna, darling, it's alright. You're home with me. Wake up, Anna…_please_ wake up." He watched her slowly begin to calm down, and sat on the edge of the bed still making sure he didn't touch her. "Anna, you're home...you're safe. I'm right here, love. Nobody can hurt you." He kept speaking words of comfort to her until he saw her eyes open. She had desperation written all over her puffy, and tear-stained face. John knew these kind of nightmares well…he still had them from time to time. The kind of nightmare that trapped you…that replayed your horrors over and over again until you thought you would rather die than sleep. It shattered his heart to know that Anna…his kind, loving, innocent Anna…was having to endure something so horrific.

"Anna…may I hold you?" He asked softly, not wanting to frighten her.

She nodded her approval, as she tried to regain control of her breathing. He slowly slid towards her, making sure she knew his intentions at all times. When he finally wrapped her in his arms, she sank into him, and began to weep. He rocked her, and spoke to her until he felt her relax in his arms. When he started to pull away, she clung to his nightshirt holding him to her firmly.

"Love, what's wrong?"

He had to strain to hear her muffled reply in his chest, "Please don't leave me. Stay with me."

"Are you sure?" He asked.

"Please…" Was all she could muster as a reply. He kissed the top of her head so lightly she probably didn't even notice, and readjusted them so his back was against the headboard. Keeping her cradled to his chest, he began to sing to her softly. A tune his mother used to sing to him when he had bad dreams. He felt her breathing deepen, and her body relax, and prayed fervently to whoever might be listening to please allow her some peaceful sleep.

As he held her he felt his own eyelids grow heavy for the first time since she left. He allowed sleep to take him, but not before he made one more promise to his sleeping wife.

"You're not alone, my love. I will always be here to help you fight the demons away. Forever."


End file.
